Fear creeping in. . .

So, it's started. The fear, the questioning. I LOVE my job! I have so many members that I know & love, both kids & adults! I even love my co-workers (even though a bunch of them are leaving soon!) I'm not getting rich, barely scraping by in fact, but I'm happy, content even. That's when the RED light flashes. I was also "content" in property management. It took God ripping that away from me & 2 years of unemployment to pay attention to the wake-up call (or 2x4 upside the head). I know God wants His best for me, but I'm seriously scared...I'm getting too old for all the moving, job hunting AGAIN?!!? I don't even have the money to make the move! I want to be in His will and claiming His best for me.

One of my Heros', Loren Cunningham writes in his book "Is that Really You, God?" about a YWAM Staffer that had strayed saying that "He knew too much of God & had experienced too much of Him ever to live in mediocrity." That simple statement hit me so hard the other day. When have I been truly happy? (I mean w/o the happy pills, lol) When I was in Russia, even almost dying in Boliva....at CFNI. Where was all that?! Under the UMBRELLA!

I'm reading another AWESOME book by Loren Cunningham, "Making Jesus Lord."  Doesn't that seem like such a simple statement? Well it goes into detail about all that God wants to give you if only you take the first step ...  to give up your rights to your possessions before God can meet our needs. This could mean so many different things to so many people. It could mean putting an extra $5 in the offering plate one Sunday, it could mean making a meal for someone in need, it could mean getting rid of EVERYTHING like the disciples to follow Jesus, go on the mission field, make a move, a change....etc.


As I sit here trying to wrap my head around what I believe God wants of me, things have begun happening to shake me a bit. I know it's the Devil trying to make me stray again! I'm clinging to His promises to me, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer & supplication w/ thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6 Anyone that has known me awhile knows that I like to plan ahead, have my ducks in a row. I have given my notice at my apartment. I have begun packing. I have begun apartment hunting in Oklahoma. I HAVE NO MONEY!!!

At this point I guess all I can do is pray & all I can say is, "O.K. God, am I hearing You right?! Am I doing what You want?! How are You going to use this to minister to others, as well as myself?!"

Patiently waiting for a word & a miracle.